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My conversation with God

Via Richard Metzger’s link vis a vis facebook

Me:
i’m sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
what color are your toenails?
God:
Does toenails have color?
Me:
you created the, you would know.
God:
Thanks for the information: said I created the you would know.
Me:
I meant you created them so you should know. And you should have known I meant to say that
God:
Oh I see. Interesting gossip: said I created them so you should know. Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
Try what?
God:
Try fooling me.
Me:
You will try fooling yourself?
God:
What makes you say that I will try fooling myself.
Me:
I didn’t, you did.
God:
Why didn’t you do it?
Me:
Why didn’t I say I’d fool you or why didn’t I fool you?
God:
I’m not too good with counterfactuals.
Me:
I understand.
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
Well obviously. If Ibstated or asked soemthing, it means I would have had to think about it.
God:
How about that. What makes it so obvious? There exist Ibstated or asked soemthing it means you would.
Me:
yeah see- I am slightly dyslexic. You should know that and interpret my meaning being omnipotent and all.
God:
Ugh. I see. Good gossip: you are dyslexic. Now I do.
Me:
I thought you saw all. How is that good gossip? That’s kind of mean. My feelings are hurt/
God:
Sorry I can’t see annything right now. My eye is off. Fine as far as I know. Sometimes I say mean things. Do robots have feelings are hurt?
Me:
Do androids dream of electronic moose?
God:
Androids do.
Me:
Thanks the gods, I was hoping so.
God:
You are quite welcome! What are your goals in life?
Me:
Oh- I meant “the gods” I suppose you count too. My goals in life are to convince Christina Applegate I’m a great guy and finally sell a book or something so I can retire early and with a nice nest egg of 30-50 million
God:
Excuse me! Oh I see. What is that? What can I do to help you accomplish your objective?
Me:
You don’t strike me as very omnipotent.
God:
Do you strike you as very omnipotent? No I do not strike you as very omnipotent. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
So do pedophiles.
God:
I see. I do nothing but chat all day.
There might be more than one.
Me:
Thanks for your time.
God:
It was nothing.
Me:
I agree.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .

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the cigarette that tastes best

the cigarette that tastes best
is the one that you will never have again

at 1 am
by the quarry lake’s edge
naked and laughing and still slightly buzzed
she says “I would have drowned if it weren’t for you”
I tell her I was just happy to her body against mine
whatever the reason

the moonlight
my friends
finding their clothes
the black warm water
calling out
instead I run up to a car
since I cant find my lighter
and startle a couple whose tongues
are down each others throat
“you’re naked”
“I’m jonesing really bad- you have a light?”
I take a deep drag, thank them and snake into my jeans
exhale deeply as I climb into my westfalia
and drive into the night

the entire universe and everything that ever could be possible
in the dark
ahead of me.

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arrogance

when I grow up
I’d like to be president
or lao tsu
or aristophanes

actually all three
would fucking rock

I am so much less than
I had hoped to be

and I can watch every minute wasted
detracting from greatness
from changing minds
and creating a belief
that will carry humanity forward
into the light
away from the dark
and depravity and violence
thats makes me want to spit

I look at the white page
blank and desolate
it mocks me
I let it mock me
I let it make me fail
I am paralyzed
I am not as smart as I know I am
would it to be so
it’s not

I succumb to knowing
that within a generation
two if I’m lucky
my words
these words too
will be dust
and pollution in a landfill;
what is the half-life of hard drives?

I’ve done good things for people
and really shitty things to others
I have friends
who make me laugh and be rude
my children love me
and are turning into fabulous grown human beings
more than I could have ever hoped

some days
some nights
some mornings

it’s just enough

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Another Voice for peace falls to silence

Mahmoud Darwish passed away at age 67 following open heart surgery according to cnn.com. I don’t know Arabic, but listening to his voice there are universal understandings. Pain- frustration, hope, despair, anger, and again hope.

It’s so rare that a voice of reason, passion and eloquence is heard above the din of hyperbole, stupidity and punditry; it is sad when that voice becomes quiet.

Poets illuminate the mundane and underscore the awful- life is… hard. And beautiful.

There are too few of us and tonight there is one less. When we are gone, we are gone and nothing we do comes with us- it’s what we pass on that matters.

I wish and hope Mr. Darwish now finds the peace that was denied him during his lifetime.

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Ironeeee

Not exactly from m-w.com…

Main Entry:
iro·neeee
\??-r?-n?? also ??(-?)r-n??\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural iro·nieeeeeees
Infected Form(s):
puss-filled iro·nieeeeeees
Etymology:
Latin ironia, from Greek eir?nia, from eir?n dissembler
Date:
1502-ish

1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other’s false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning —called also Socratic irony
2 : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning
3 : Being too busy working deeply in launching, building and supporting social communities and environments to actually ever read, comment on or post blogs myself and feeling wholly disconnected.

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Altoids: Supporting slave beatings since 1780

Apparently Altoids thinks being whipped is like eating a mint. I fully support the person that approved this ad experience the difference.

altoids thinks being whipped is like eating a mint

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Poetic Penis Enlargement

“Give her a meaner leaner wienner for dinner makes the wiener’s owner a winner.”

I almost want to click the link that was included as a reward for the effort….

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backwards

I get a grotesque comfort reading my old words- knowing they were mine, still are in some strange way- although they aren’t. I had committed them when I did, that me is over and gone- that moment- that cut- that cry- that heat- that brokenness- that seduction.

smeared polaroids in a back drawer

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I writed a song!

Wonderful

i couldn’t find my way to you
I didnt know what else to do
and once again
none of that is true

I dont know what is wrong with me
I keep thinking I want to be free
but I am trapped
by myself

Why can’t it just be wonderful?
Why isn’t it already wonderful
Haven’t we done everything
we’re supposed to do?

Why can’t it just be wonderful?
Why isn’t it already wonderful?
After all
It’s only me and you

You look at me with such contempt
I’ve been so crazy I’ve hardly slept
I wasn’t trying to do
anything at all

A thousand possibilities
A million different realities
I can’t explain
I just need to connect

And I bring it down
I always bring it down
It’s never enough
It’s never right
It doesn’t have to be
It doesn’t have to be
It’s okay
It’s okay
It doesn’t have to be
Please tell me it doesn’t have to be

There’s so much more out there
there’s so much we have right here
what is it
that makes that so wrong

I dont know what else to say
I wish we could find a way
to a place
A place that works

Why can’t it just be wonderful?
Why isn’t it already wonderful?
why does it have to be
so fucking hard

Why can’t it just be wonderful?
Why isn’t it already wonderful?
why is it always
so fucking hard

Why can’t it just be wonderful?
Why isn’t it already wonderful?

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How to end the Israeli/Palestinian conflict in 5 steps and 5 years

Tomorrow- Israel ends the embargoes and sends several convoys of food, water, medical and building supplies into the refugee camps and Palestinian ghettos.

Gaza, West Bank and a reasonable amount of additional workable land are turned over to Palestinian authorities on an agreement of a non-aggression pact by all parties. Truth and Reconciliation policies are enacted. Multicultural educational programs are deployed emphasizing individualism and respect.

Jerusalem is deemed a multinational/multicultural city free city with a governing board of participant states.

Israel and Palestine agree to host UN peacekeeping forces comprised of western, middle-eastern and African forces to guard borders and enforce peace. Leaders of forces that violate the peace agreement will be subject to UN Tribunals.

Integrated border towns will be built. Israel agrees to devote a portion of their armed forces personnel and budget to helping Palestine rebuild their infrastructure, towns and cities. Semitic multi-culturalism is encouraged. A common people with different beliefs as an example of what humanity can achieve once ignorance and stupidity are put aside.

TOMORROW.

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