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Archive for March, 2007

Root Canal

Two brutal hours in my face (literally).

Novocaine wearing off.

Wanting a back scratch.

happy that I have Rome on OnDemand (give it to me now beeeeetches)

Golly- buff men in leather underwear are mighty popular these days.

And theres absolutely NOTHING gay about that…

men in leather. hmmm… makes me wonder what ann coulter is up to.



Today over brunch at Virgo and Pisces (favorite new brunch place at 21st and Everett) Jenny and I were reflecting about 9 years of our relationship together (we still consider ourselves as ‘dating’) and she referred to it as “nine wonderful years” which I took as her being tongue-in-cheek- I responded with “Wonderful eh?” to wit she replied “You mean they haven’t been wonderful?”

In retrospect this could be more dangerous a question than “Does this <insert clothes here> make my ass look big?”, but I rarely think in “DANGER” mode- which is probably why sometimes I have had things thrown at me- and I responded â”Well there certainly are wonderful moments- do you think they’ve been wonderful?”

The night before we went to rent Borat and waiting on line I saw a Max Headroom DVD (Couldn’t have been DVD- I researched it) behind glass and it made me think of the 80’s and stream of thought to an interview I heard that afternoon that referenced a Warren Zevon quote from a David Letterman interview just a few weeks before he died where Letterman asked Zevon if there was anything he understood now, facing his own mortality, that he didn’t before. Zevon replied, “Just how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.” I had seen that Letterman, I am a HUGE Zevon fan, but had forgotten the quote. I reiterated this very long involved stream of thought to Jenny on the drive back to my apartment last night explaining how much I loved that quote and the underlying perspective (the conversation was much longer and convoluted- I feel sorry for people that have to sit through my ramblings sometimes) and thought to myself that even though a week earlier we had this tremendous blowout that we were still able to be sitting next to each other not even 7 days later and still enjoying each other’s company.

The past nine years have had moments of devastatingly painful experiences, much difficulty and sadness, a great deal of confusion, and many hard changes. In other words, it’s been life.

And regardless of our ever-changing relationship status, we’ve remained best of friends.

So yes, it has most definitely been wonderful.

As difficult as they have been, how could they have been otherwise?

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Haliburton screws Americans yet again

Haliburton has announced that they will be moving their corporate headquarters from Houston, Texas to Dubai, UAE this morning.

I thought it would be interesting to see what news savvy organizations would be picking this up- results below.

But first, here are the notes I took upon learning the news (wholly by accident researching some quotes for Robi):

  • What are the estimated total dollars in contracts that Haliburton/KBR have with the US Government?
  • How many years are these contracts for (just the really big ones)?
  • How much in taxes has Haliburton paid each year on income gained by the U.S and how much estimated do they still have to pay through the end of the current contracts?
  • Do they still have to pay US taxes or are they now going to be fully under Dubai tax law?
  • What clauses/provisions, if any, do our government contracts have about the contracted corporation’s responsibility to serve in the best interest of the U.S. government (none).

The vexing questions I will try to answer in upcoming days.

I think the answers will be brutal. I think the American people have a right to demand that the contracts given to Haliburton be redacted due to the gross misuse and fraud already discovered and now that the company is moving it’s corporate operations to the UAE which has been identified in the 9/11 Commision’s report as having ties to Osama bin Laden and perhaps even aiding and abetting him.

At what point are Americans going to stand up and stop the Bush Administration and their cronies from raping America further? From the start our troops have received inadequate armor and training; have been shoved into a war that had no planning or consideration whatsoever and was initiated on false pretenses; have received the worst in medical care for the injured, both physically and mentally– all the while huge uncontested contracts with little or no oversight are handed to companies like Haliburton that has continually abused and committed fraud (as early as 2004– a year after the war began). Billions of dollars going into a corporation’s hands that has no loyalty or sense of service to the primary country that has fed it. Meanwhile our veterans have dismal medical care and facilities to contend with at home.

This is criminal morally and otherwise.

As to the “Up to the second” news on the internet by the major US news organizations; as of 2:36 pm PDT only the following had the story:

ABC Halliburton Will Move HQ to Dubai
New York Times Halliburton Will Move Headquarters to Dubai
Washington Post Halliburton to Relocate to Dubai

Not sure the WSJ’s story headline really counts- it kind of sounds like Haliburton will be joining a bridge club….

WSJ Halliburton Expands Mideast Presence; CEO to Spend More Time in Dubai

Those that didn’t have anything at all had the following as their top story:

CBS Suspect Arrested In Newborn Kidnapping
CNN Bush greeted by pomp and violent protests
Fox Kidnapped Texas Newborn Found Alive
MSNBC Bush renews support for strong ally Colombia
US News and World Report: Beyond Baghdad, Security Struggles

Draw your own conclusions.

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Literary Bathroom Humour

recently read in the men’s room at Powell’s

Grout Gatsby

Midnight in the Garden of Grout and Evil

Like to see some additional suggestions as to what i might add (covertly). So far all I can think of is:

Grout Expectations
Anna of Grout Gables
Hitchhiker’s Grout to the Galaxy
Grout Throat (I know it fails the test- but come on- that’s funny…)


The “F Word” and the “C Word”

Ann Coulter likes to blow donkeys while getting anal from a german shepard. True story. We have pics.

Or as friends prefer to call her, Ann Cuntwhore.

Funny, eh? Pretty much?

Not really?

Where’s your sense of humor?

How about Ann Coulter is an obnoxious cunt and an attention whore?

Still not funny.

But true.

And offensive (I really hate the ‘C Word’ But there’s a reason why it’s so offensive).

But true.

My guess is that once again Ann’s book sales are lagging- no one is mentioning her name- what with Britney’s crotch and head spamming the news (sadly, neither hair in either location) and Anna Nicole Smith corpse tug-o-war- so she muchly needed some attention. Let’s praise the gods that be (pick a religion) that Ann didn’t expose herself as well- I NEVER want to see a vagina so crusty and dry and puckered up that it resembles corned beef that’s been left in an oven at 200 degrees for 4 months.

Ann is an anti-intellectual shit spewer with the inventiveness of a 9 year old. Calling a candidate for president of the United States a faggot? Holy fuck. This from a person that violates federal law knowingly and isn’t even smart enough to lie her way out of it.

What a douche bag.

The sad thing is that the media (including myself) spend any time at all paying attention to her. She’s a bully and should be treated as one. Ignored into obscurity.

But until that happens, here is the Flats’ anatomical examination of the phenomena behind Ann’s scariness- we have always felt that the comparisons to being a “transvestite” were unfair (to transvestites), so we did some anabolic scanning of images of her using the most sophisticated tools available to us (google image search) and these are the results of (what we think) is her true origin eeeeeep.jpg

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Retro Postage

One of the reasons for creating the flats is that over the past several years I’ve had several aborted attempts at this– from (someone stole the addy when I didn’t have the $$ to renew) to (which I am going to try to rebuild for posterity’s sake) and a multitude of random posts from personal to eulogizing (I did a lot of that the past two years :P) on myspace and various other forums…. obviously I think my thoughts are special enough to recollect and republish this stuff.

So in the first few weeks of the flats, assuming you bother to come, I will be reposting items with their original post dates- creating a time-space-word continuum rift as well as reposting some items around their anniversaries of the original publishing. Oddly a lot of them were in March. Maybe I have a thing for rebirth. Hell, I am Jewish and I often have wood… but I digress.

I realize that all this is pretty narcissistic, but these days what isn’t. Yeah that’s a cheap excuse. Please beat anyone that uses it with a snow shovel. In reality, often when I go back and read stuff that I wrote 1, 2, 4, 10, 15 years ago I am actually how amazed how good some it was and always wonder why I can’t write like that now. Rather than narcissism I submit, it is more an exercise of self-loathing and public mental masturbation in the hopes that someone will say “good boy- nice sperm” and/or several years later i can look at it and say “oooo- not bad” proving myself something better than I thought I was.

Of course by the time I do this, I am already lamenting the fact that I can’t write like that anymore. And it’s not a self-pity- it is a truth; I can’t write “walls” again or “I want a girlfriend” or “The American Jihad“.

I am beginning to realize the reason I can’t is because I already have.

And I guess that’s kind of okay…




Pretty fucking cocky- but also pretty fucking accurate. Back in da day….

I don’t know why all the coverage of myspace and facebook et al gets me so riled up- it’s as if this ‘technology’ thing is brand new and depending on the day the particular news outlet covers it, it is either the new wave of society or the bane of all civilization. If it’s CNN or Fox, often it’s both.

It’s nothing new- it’s just been flattened out. Whereas in 1995 there was maybe 100 “online diarists” there are today easily millions. In 1953- how many homes had a television? How about in 1963?

This is why I get annoyed.

I miss the days of basTard (the last remnants before my brain decided to stop working) and Evany and Spike and… [deep fucking sigh…] Dawn-Marie (her site is down- I will find an old pic to post).

I miss these days because it wasn’t so easy to post- it required thought and effort and every dumb fucker with a puter wasn’t posting what they had for breakfast. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It was just a lot easier back then to find the good shit.

Now it’s… meh.

I did an evaluation of the internet and the “web” back in 1995. My assessment, in short, was that 95% of what I saw out there was shit- uninspired, uninteresting, unspecial.

That has changed.

Nowadays it’s more like 98.7%

I hope to achieve something slightly better here.

We’ll see.



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