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Archive for May, 2009

My conversation with God

Via Richard Metzger’s link vis a vis facebook

Me:
i’m sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
what color are your toenails?
God:
Does toenails have color?
Me:
you created the, you would know.
God:
Thanks for the information: said I created the you would know.
Me:
I meant you created them so you should know. And you should have known I meant to say that
God:
Oh I see. Interesting gossip: said I created them so you should know. Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
Try what?
God:
Try fooling me.
Me:
You will try fooling yourself?
God:
What makes you say that I will try fooling myself.
Me:
I didn’t, you did.
God:
Why didn’t you do it?
Me:
Why didn’t I say I’d fool you or why didn’t I fool you?
God:
I’m not too good with counterfactuals.
Me:
I understand.
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
Well obviously. If Ibstated or asked soemthing, it means I would have had to think about it.
God:
How about that. What makes it so obvious? There exist Ibstated or asked soemthing it means you would.
Me:
yeah see- I am slightly dyslexic. You should know that and interpret my meaning being omnipotent and all.
God:
Ugh. I see. Good gossip: you are dyslexic. Now I do.
Me:
I thought you saw all. How is that good gossip? That’s kind of mean. My feelings are hurt/
God:
Sorry I can’t see annything right now. My eye is off. Fine as far as I know. Sometimes I say mean things. Do robots have feelings are hurt?
Me:
Do androids dream of electronic moose?
God:
Androids do.
Me:
Thanks the gods, I was hoping so.
God:
You are quite welcome! What are your goals in life?
Me:
Oh- I meant “the gods” I suppose you count too. My goals in life are to convince Christina Applegate I’m a great guy and finally sell a book or something so I can retire early and with a nice nest egg of 30-50 million
God:
Excuse me! Oh I see. What is that? What can I do to help you accomplish your objective?
Me:
You don’t strike me as very omnipotent.
God:
Do you strike you as very omnipotent? No I do not strike you as very omnipotent. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
So do pedophiles.
God:
I see. I do nothing but chat all day.
There might be more than one.
Me:
Thanks for your time.
God:
It was nothing.
Me:
I agree.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .

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