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it’s happening again…

I have so much to write about- so much squirming around up there. Yet when I go to write, I can barely squeeze out a word or two and it just stops. I don’t understand it. If it’s a masochistic self-loathing causing it, wouldn’t that like just be an award-winning novel right there? 11 years now… the 20 years prior I couldn’t stop writing. The past 11 in small fits and spasms some words come out.

I hate it.

I’m broken.

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splodey foot

Heard an interview with Dr. Greta Binford on NPR and then the next day read an article about her in The New Yorker.

So I decided to send her an email this afternoon to see if she’d be interested in maybe helping identify what bit me- almost 3 years ago now…

Around 9:30 pm

foot_early.jpg

Around 11:00pm (when I called 911)

owwie.jpg

I hope she writes back. If I have to be gimpy, it’d be nice to know who to blame…

🙂

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Root Canal

Two brutal hours in my face (literally).

Novocaine wearing off.

Wanting a back scratch.

happy that I have Rome on OnDemand (give it to me now beeeeetches)

Golly- buff men in leather underwear are mighty popular these days.

And theres absolutely NOTHING gay about that…

men in leather. hmmm… makes me wonder what ann coulter is up to.

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Retro Postage

One of the reasons for creating the flats is that over the past several years I’ve had several aborted attempts at this– from toomuchgoodair.com (someone stole the addy when I didn’t have the $$ to renew) to arrogance-is-fascism.org (which I am going to try to rebuild for posterity’s sake) and a multitude of random posts from personal to eulogizing (I did a lot of that the past two years :P) on myspace and various other forums…. obviously I think my thoughts are special enough to recollect and republish this stuff.

So in the first few weeks of the flats, assuming you bother to come, I will be reposting items with their original post dates- creating a time-space-word continuum rift as well as reposting some items around their anniversaries of the original publishing. Oddly a lot of them were in March. Maybe I have a thing for rebirth. Hell, I am Jewish and I often have wood… but I digress.

I realize that all this is pretty narcissistic, but these days what isn’t. Yeah that’s a cheap excuse. Please beat anyone that uses it with a snow shovel. In reality, often when I go back and read stuff that I wrote 1, 2, 4, 10, 15 years ago I am actually how amazed how good some it was and always wonder why I can’t write like that now. Rather than narcissism I submit, it is more an exercise of self-loathing and public mental masturbation in the hopes that someone will say “good boy- nice sperm” and/or several years later i can look at it and say “oooo- not bad” proving myself something better than I thought I was.

Of course by the time I do this, I am already lamenting the fact that I can’t write like that anymore. And it’s not a self-pity- it is a truth; I can’t write “walls” again or “I want a girlfriend” or “The American Jihad“.

I am beginning to realize the reason I can’t is because I already have.

And I guess that’s kind of okay…

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OB

OB-

Pretty fucking cocky- but also pretty fucking accurate. Back in da day….

I don’t know why all the coverage of myspace and facebook et al gets me so riled up- it’s as if this ‘technology’ thing is brand new and depending on the day the particular news outlet covers it, it is either the new wave of society or the bane of all civilization. If it’s CNN or Fox, often it’s both.

It’s nothing new- it’s just been flattened out. Whereas in 1995 there was maybe 100 “online diarists” there are today easily millions. In 1953- how many homes had a television? How about in 1963?

This is why I get annoyed.

I miss the days of basTard (the last remnants before my brain decided to stop working) and Evany and Spike and… [deep fucking sigh…] Dawn-Marie (her site is down- I will find an old pic to post).

I miss these days because it wasn’t so easy to post- it required thought and effort and every dumb fucker with a puter wasn’t posting what they had for breakfast. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It was just a lot easier back then to find the good shit.

Now it’s… meh.

I did an evaluation of the internet and the “web” back in 1995. My assessment, in short, was that 95% of what I saw out there was shit- uninspired, uninteresting, unspecial.

That has changed.

Nowadays it’s more like 98.7%

I hope to achieve something slightly better here.

We’ll see.

Rex

basTard

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To All My Friends (and enemies- most of them anyway)

The older I get, the more I realize that I understand less than I thought the year before. The joy in this is that no matter how difficult life can be; it is never dull and there is never an opportunity NOT to learn something new.

This has been a very hard year for me and many people I love; yet just because it was hard makes that love between my family and friends that much more stronger and meaningful.

So to all my friends and family I wish you a very happy/merry/joyous/orgasmic/giddy and/or stupid (choose your poison) holiday and new years. Whatever may come in 2007; let’s all hope that our love keeps growing.

Many Paths. One Truth. Love.

Kip (Rex/Moo/Asshole- whatever your poison).

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