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so today…

June 3rd my first born daughter turned 19. jesus fucking christ.

I never stop thinking about when they were all babies and particular moments we had- and how much I have missed.

I stopped and held up traffic this afternoon because a ratty squirrel had run into the middle of an insanely busy intersection.

I couldn’t do anything- rather than running back in front of my car to the right to safety, he ran left right under the wheel of a car that apparently didn’t notice him.

i heard the crushing noise.

I miss my mother terribly.

I am so thankful for every day I have.

But I can’t shake this profound sadness…

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We do not need gun control

We need a licensing system- just as with any other device that has the potential to be lethal and can be grossly misused- there needs to be system for buying and owning guns.

Would you let any shmuck walk into a Ford dealership and drive off with an F-350 without first knowing that they A. know how to drive and B. are permitted to hold a drivers license?


Why should guns be any different?

It should be, to own a gun, you need to apply for a license. This means there’s a background check (no prior criminal offenses, history of mental defect, etc.), a written and a practical test and a statement of self-liability if used for unlawful means.
There will be class restrictions. You need to pass a test for each class of weapon you want to use. Pistol, rifle, howitzer, etc.

The fee will be nominal- $75. Needs to be renewed every two years (background check) for $25.

No specific data will be collected about what the owner purchases, just that the seller has checked the license and made sure it’s valid. It can be done via computer or 1-800 number. Must be accompanied by a drivers license, state or military ID. The same things required to write a check.

That’s it. Very simple. Even personal sales can make a 1-800 phone call to do due diligence.

If such a simple system was in place, it would have made the Virginia Tech shootings much less likely to have happened and with the added responsibility of taking liability for purchasing the firearms, maybe the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold would have taken more care and locked up their gear.

Abridging the right to bear arms I am wholeheartedly against. I don’t trust our government either. But the right to bear arms does not abdicate the responsibility of owning arms.

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it’s happening again…

I have so much to write about- so much squirming around up there. Yet when I go to write, I can barely squeeze out a word or two and it just stops. I don’t understand it. If it’s a masochistic self-loathing causing it, wouldn’t that like just be an award-winning novel right there? 11 years now… the 20 years prior I couldn’t stop writing. The past 11 in small fits and spasms some words come out.

I hate it.

I’m broken.

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i fucking hate people

i’m cereal…

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due to splodey-foot, I work almost exclusively from home- which has it’s perks; I can sleep in, no commuting, don’t have to shower until I can’t stand it any longer, pee (or other things) at will, etc. But the down side is that I start feeling like a shut-in at times. Almost everyone I work with is in another state, sometimes another country; but there is still a camaraderie amongst disjointed cube dwellers even.

Sometime long ago- over seven years now, I was leading a team of very bright and somewhat warped web developers. We owned almost two rows of cubes and had nerf gun fights and would find interesting ways to annoy and insult each other without violating corporate office etiquette. It was a fun time as much as it was intense- it was also a time when my creativity was in full bloom and I needed stupid outlets to stay sane.

I’ve unearthed some artifacts from those days that have been sitting in boxes from 3-5 years and thought I’d share them…

corner or love the corner of love

boob-a-feet Facing a defiant Yoda across the aisle

johnny on the watch johnny on the watch

er… geek…

Pacific Northwest Office-Tack Frog Pacific Northwest Office-Tack Frog


splodey foot

Heard an interview with Dr. Greta Binford on NPR and then the next day read an article about her in The New Yorker.

So I decided to send her an email this afternoon to see if she’d be interested in maybe helping identify what bit me- almost 3 years ago now…

Around 9:30 pm


Around 11:00pm (when I called 911)


I hope she writes back. If I have to be gimpy, it’d be nice to know who to blame…


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Compacts Only

Compacts Only

Judge for yourself…


Root Canal

Two brutal hours in my face (literally).

Novocaine wearing off.

Wanting a back scratch.

happy that I have Rome on OnDemand (give it to me now beeeeetches)

Golly- buff men in leather underwear are mighty popular these days.

And theres absolutely NOTHING gay about that…

men in leather. hmmm… makes me wonder what ann coulter is up to.



Today over brunch at Virgo and Pisces (favorite new brunch place at 21st and Everett) Jenny and I were reflecting about 9 years of our relationship together (we still consider ourselves as ‘dating’) and she referred to it as “nine wonderful years” which I took as her being tongue-in-cheek- I responded with “Wonderful eh?” to wit she replied “You mean they haven’t been wonderful?”

In retrospect this could be more dangerous a question than “Does this <insert clothes here> make my ass look big?”, but I rarely think in “DANGER” mode- which is probably why sometimes I have had things thrown at me- and I responded â”Well there certainly are wonderful moments- do you think they’ve been wonderful?”

The night before we went to rent Borat and waiting on line I saw a Max Headroom DVD (Couldn’t have been DVD- I researched it) behind glass and it made me think of the 80’s and stream of thought to an interview I heard that afternoon that referenced a Warren Zevon quote from a David Letterman interview just a few weeks before he died where Letterman asked Zevon if there was anything he understood now, facing his own mortality, that he didn’t before. Zevon replied, “Just how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.” I had seen that Letterman, I am a HUGE Zevon fan, but had forgotten the quote. I reiterated this very long involved stream of thought to Jenny on the drive back to my apartment last night explaining how much I loved that quote and the underlying perspective (the conversation was much longer and convoluted- I feel sorry for people that have to sit through my ramblings sometimes) and thought to myself that even though a week earlier we had this tremendous blowout that we were still able to be sitting next to each other not even 7 days later and still enjoying each other’s company.

The past nine years have had moments of devastatingly painful experiences, much difficulty and sadness, a great deal of confusion, and many hard changes. In other words, it’s been life.

And regardless of our ever-changing relationship status, we’ve remained best of friends.

So yes, it has most definitely been wonderful.

As difficult as they have been, how could they have been otherwise?

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